


I'm Okay

by Aya_kunZeroaddicted



Series: I'm Alright [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, References to Depression, This Is Sad, Trigger Warnings, this isn't nice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 12:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14472321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aya_kunZeroaddicted/pseuds/Aya_kunZeroaddicted
Summary: I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.Maybe if he repeated it enough. It would be real.





	I'm Okay

**Author's Note:**

> So...Jason's d-day has come and gone but this story had been in my head for a while now...This would be my first time posting such depressing content. To those who read my stories for fluff crack and just angst, sorry. I just have to get this out.
> 
> This all honestly came about because "I'm okay" were always words that could be such a lie or hopeful truth. For this family (myself).
> 
> If implied suicide, prostitution, self-harm, and depression are your triggers. Please don't read. There is no good ending right now. (And please don't worry about me either. I was stressed so much and couldn't show it but I'm better now. Writing this and sharing is just idk...I need to share it)

 

 

 

 _I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay._  

Maybe if he repeated it enough times, it wouldn't be a lie.

 _I'm okay._  

It was one thing to think it but it took a huge effort to make it true. 

And even when he couldn't (he never could), he just had to fake it. 

They just had to fail to see it. (They always did.) 

They didn't need to know. (They never wanted to anyway.) 

Jason smiled at each snarl of Damian. 

Laughed at each stab of Dick's mistrust. 

Shrugged, carefree at each avoidance of Tim. 

All three at Bruce's indifference. Or anger. Whichever the old man felt at the moment. 

But he made sure never to show a thing but a smirk at Babs. Steph. Cass. 

Alfred. 

The last two were difficult. But for one thing, Cass didn't know him. She knew nothing of his tells, his thoughts (none of them really did). 

Alfred he'd already forgiven. But he wouldn't risk his heart ever again. 

If maybe they were superhuman like Clark, they would've seen through him from the start. 

Would've heard his heart pound in fear around them. Grit his teeth in pain with each hurt. Seen through his mask as tears fell silently. 

But they weren't.

So they didn't. 

It didn't matter what he did anyway. He was just a tool to use when left with no choice (better that than being nothing to them). A dog they could call to heel, force to heel and follow after them (Damian's pets were treated well after all, he'd take the scraps). 

Everyday he returned home (ha!) to his safehouses, he lost that little bit of life. Cosmic mistake or not, reality was slowly killing him. 

But the few faces and words of people he saves were all that kept him together.

His blind neighbor who knew more about him than his family (they were that, even if they didn't think so) always tried to check on him when he returned. Scolded him softly when he could smell the blood on him.

His young daughter berating him for staying up late (nightmares he'd at least begun to predict were to blame. Most times he stayed elsewhere so his screaming through night terrors wouldn't be heard) and then offering her precious makeup to hide his eyebags. He never let her, showed her his own instead (she’d smiled in relief. Blushed when he offered his better ones) and together they fed themselves and her father. On days when he wasn't there, she never asked what he did or where he'd been. The bruises he couldn't hide probably stopped her. (He tried not to see how she looked worried each time.)

It was when she was wary of him sometimes that he knew to stay away for a while. It hurt but he was glad she had good instincts. Sometimes he was harmful. Sometimes to others. But mostly to himself. 

Those few moments of people liking him (for now) were what kept him going. Telling himself he was okay did the rest. (A lie.) 

Despite what his family thought, he didn't run purely on spite. 

Or anger. 

Okay, maybe anger. But not always, no. 

It was hope. 

Hope that his lies would become true. 

Hope that they would give him a chance. 

Hope that life would just be _kind_ for once. 

Hope that he wasn't a mistake. 

Like the Joker said. 

Like Sheila said. 

Like Willis said. 

Like Damian said. 

Like Tim said. 

Like Babs said. 

Like Catherine said. 

Like Dick said. 

Like Alfred said. 

Like Bruce said. 

...

"Fuck off, Jason." 

 _I'm okay._  

"Get lost, Todd." 

 _I'm okay._  

"Why are you even here?" 

 _I'm okay._  

"Stay away from them." 

 _I'm okay._  

"They said I should stay away from you." 

 _I'm okay._  

"You don't belong here." 

 _I'm okay._  

"Get out." 

_I'm okay._

 

 _I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay._  

(If he let himself be used just sometimes, that was okay too. At least then he knew someone wanted him. If just for a night.)

 _I'm okay._  

(If he made sure hits on his family were erased, that was good. They didn't need to know. As long as they were safe.) 

 _I'm okay._  

(If he'd cry himself to sleep after every hurtful encounter with them, that was fine. It was _normal_.) 

 _I'm okay._  

(If even reading failed to give him an emotion…then, maybe he was just wrong.) 

 _I'm…_  

(If letting his wounds stay longer than he should made him feel just a little more emotion then it was good. It was fine.) 

_I'm…_

 

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Do please note tho that "I'm Okay" applies to the rest of the fam...I might have other stories that show how much of a lie those words are to each of them. Just not so depressing like this. (I hope.) I love happy endings after all. With or without angst.
> 
> But I'm sorry. I'll be hurting them all. Maybe.


End file.
